You welcomed them in with opened arms. You let them into your life without guard. They came disguised as a friend, a lover, a trustee and a blessing; they left a betrayer, a foe, an enemy, a curse. And you sit there and think to yourself…How the F*** did I let this happen again.
Ignorance is Bliss
It isn’t often that people enter our lives as enemies, in fact we are usually nicer to those who are strangers than we are to those we know. So upon meeting these, or that person we enter the situation with a genuine smile, and a keen fascination.
They often return the gesture, welcoming the invitation with what seems to be gratitude.
There are no green, blue, or red flags for all you see is the good; after all that is all you have been presented with. Even if there were any signs that indicated otherwise your infatuation would easily trump any type of further investigation.
Before you know it, you’re with your friends talking about how you’ve found “THE ONE”. And like any good friends they are supportive and happy for you, yet they shoot a million and one questions your way.
- Who are they?
- Where did you meet them?
- How long have you been talking?
- What do they do?
- Have you met their parents?
- What makes them different from the last one?
And a laundry list of other “invasive” questions about this new stranger that you have fallen for. Instead of contemplating on these questions, you chose to ignore them, and follow your heart instead.
This time around you know they’re different, you can feel it at your core, so you skip the investigation process and jump into it head first.
You have never felt so alive in your entire life; you knew you were right about this one, and that your friends just didn’t get it because they have never been in love before.
Every flaw is cute, every quirk even cuter; and every apology is sweeter than the insult that preceded it. The compliments are bountiful, and the courtesy comes often
They begin to plead more of your time, and instead of being warded off you are flattered by the thought of being their everything so you do as they ask. You start spending less time with those “hater” friends, and more time with the one who truly loves and understands you.
The Decay
You start viewing the world around you differently, and you begin to meet any type of advice, or critique on your relationship as somebody trying to tear what you have apart. You have been convinced of, and have fully bought into the idea that there is nobody who understand’s you like this once stranger does.
Six months have passed and the insults outweighs the compliments, the communication has turned into a series of yelling matches, and the intimacy has turned into a hostile battleground of opposing forces.
Now the funny little things they used to say and or when they got a little drunk have turned into alcoholic outrage, and malicious slander.
All those things that you let go back the wayside have now fully manifested into their true vicious monstrous mold, and the person you once call lover has taken on a form that you cannot even recognize.
Every night they go out you pray to the powers that be that they come back home alive, and when they do you picture murdering them yourself for the consistent cheating they’ve been doing behind your back.
You cry yourself to sleep wondering how to fix this situation, and what it is that you did to cause this character change.
Truth of the matter is, you did nothing, that’s right nothing. And the reason you are now caught up in this situation is because you did exactly that….NOTHING.
In The Woke
See here’s the thing, when we fall into this trans like state that we mistake for love, we are often delusional about many factors of the world around us. We become deceived by false characteristics, and buy into the mirage that has been sold to us as a reality.
When a toxic person steps into our lives they do not step forward with their flaws out on front street. They often times will not approach us with a “Hi I’m Jane/John Doe, I’m abusive, I’m a liar, a cheater, I get extremely aggressive when I drink, OH and I only want you for sex.
Usually we will be met with a smile and a compliment, and that compliment is followed by other compliments, and before we know it we have fallen for the flattery.
Yet if we walked into the situation without cynicism per say, but at least a healthy amount of skepticism we would not only look out for the habitual tells of who a person is, but also the similarities they share with any other manipulators, and liars we have come in contact with in our pasts.
It is said that the human animal is the only creature that will smile at its prey before it proceeds to attack, this means that a simple smile does not always mean what we would want it to mean. (Though some smiles are just genuine signs of contentment)
Whether you are looking to get into a friendship, an intimate relationship, or even a business partnership you must always step into it with open eyes and a neutral standpoint. It is easy to be swayed when we have our guards down, but once we go in with logic and intuition, then we can make better judgments as to who we let into our personal space.
Spotting The Signs
Now this segment could literally be a novel lengthen excerpt, but instead of being that guy I’ll just brush over some surface level way’s to help you spot out the possible snakes in your garden.
Here are a few of the types of people who could fit this profile, and some of the way’s they may try to bond with you upon approach.
- THE MANIPULATOR – This is the one who will walk up to you with a huge grin, a lot of charisma, and something to give. If you meet somebody who seem’s like they automatically want to give you the world in a Gucci purse, and look as if they have all the answers to your immediate problems. They will convince you that certain people are against you, including those closest to you, and only they are truly there for you.
- THE NEEDY- This is the person who will come to you in “tears”. They approach you as a victim first; and how they finesse their way into your life is by making you feel as if you are their savior. They may even do something as simple as ask us for directions to a place they know the location of, then thank you a million times over. This can boost your own ego and give you pleasure in letting them stay around you, BEWARE.
- THE MIND F’ER- Now this one is a tricky one, because they often come with different approaches, the most common being the fact that they will play games with you. They will try make it seem as if it were you who pursued them first, and just when you figure them out they will switch the entire game and confess their feelings for you giving you the upper and. (this can also be known as the player)
- THE POWER PLAYER- This person is the one who always wants to be on top, literally. They will do anything possible to make you feel as if they are the one in charge, and you are their subordinate. This won’t come out in a harsh manner at first, they might do small stuff like chose where you should go, what you might want to do, who you should probably hang out with. Eventually it may turn physical dominance, and can sometimes turn into a physically abusive relationship.
- THE LEECH- Usually people wont approach us wanting things from us immediately, at least not physically, but they may ask if they could borrow a napkin from your table, or if you have an extra sauce. In the long-term this might be the person asking for your car, or a place to stay.
Now don’t get me wrong, some of these characteristics may just be one-off cases such as somebody who’s literally lost so they ask for directions, or someone who doesn’t have ketchup at their table so they ask for yours; but if you see them beginning a conversation that they want to further along in this fashion just be cautious.
The Good, The Bad, and the Ehhh…
These aren’t necessarily evil or ill willed people, and some of them are so used to what they do that they do not recognize it as manipulation, but they are bad for US and our own personal growth and development.
When we come to the point where we want growth in our lives we need as much positive support as we can get; we need people around us who are also dedicated to their growth, and therefore can support us and vice versa.
This does not mean excluding people completely from our lives, or treating them as lesser because they want to remain stagnant; it just means having the cognizance to choose whether you want them in your own journey or not, no hard feelings.
There are times when these people may just be crying for help, and therefore it is may be our place to plant seeds of positivity in their lives; but if they act like a black hole to all things positive it will not help them nor us if we keep them around.
Most of the people we call “bad” are nothing more than people who literally feed off of negative energy, and it is the only thing they have become accustomed to, therefore we must not continue enabling their habits by giving them our endorsement stamp, otherwise know as our time.
Who we give our time to is one of the most important part of our entire lives. Giving that limited time to those who want to bring us down is the same as willingly tearing apart our own lives, and putting a holt on the things that we want to see change for ourselves.
We may not be able to choose who we meet or come in contact with, but we can always chose who we let into your lives.
Now, why exactly is to that “Why Do Bad People Happen to Good People”?
Simple answer is, because we let them.
-Tinashe Hwande
iMatter.Blog 
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